Always hard saying goodbye

Tonight was the big farewell party for everyone at the business master. Great people, and I’m sure I’ll meet plenty more of them either through work or at yearly get-togethers. Still, it is not without a great sense of both nostalgia and regret that I see everyone head out into the world. Shanghai for me, Switzerland, the US, or Singapore for others. And I suppose that if these individuals hadn’t been worth missing, they wouldn’t have been worth befriending in the first place, right?

Anyway, one week’s luxury vacation, and then back to work full time. No more studies. Coincidentally, my illness has returned just in time to start haunting me. I remember just this time of year 2009 I was in the hospital fighting for my life. This post from early May before surgery, and then this post 6 weeks later bring back a lot of memories. The past year has been great, however. I’ve been getting back in shape, studying, even getting some work done in preparation for returning full time, this time in Shanghai (as much as I miss the US). I’ve even started writing in Swedish a great deal more than I used to, and focusing more on domestic, daily issues in the news than overarching philosophical or ideological or even existentialist issues. Daily irritation at the daily routines and daily occurences of life has replaced a sense of gratitude for being allowed to live one more day.

As such, it has taken a night such as this, saying “see you soon” or “farewell” to these wonderful people I’ve gotten to know, to make me remember how bad things were. I remember how I promised myself I’d savor every bite of every meal and never complain about feeling the rain against my skin or how I’d always face everything with a positive, grateful attitude. Bit by bit this has fallen away in the face of the banality of everyday living, though I do believe myself a better person for having gone through it. And, I suppose, I should strive harder to internalize the lessons that have been given me, harsh as they were.

Either way, I hope all readers have a wonderful weekend, and that you find your closest friend or friends, and just spend a few hours with them doing nothing but talking about life and love and plans, forgetting all about petty grudges and petty people.

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~ by Escaping Perdition on May 29, 2010.

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